Love and Darkness

Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...
You give them a piece of you.
They didn't ask for it.
They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages.
It gets inside you.
It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts.
Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
I hate love.

Neil Gaiman

-=iNa=-

That Person.

So now I'm THAT person.
The one whose keeps saying sorry making it mean nothing since I keep on doing it.
What about yourself?
Ever thought about that?
Please do.

I seriously wonder where the person who made the video, the person who bought the jacket, the person who was willing to wait for my shift bus, the person who'll take the train with me, the person who spends time with me and my friends, the person who went on holidays with me.
I miss that person.
Where are you?
Can you please reappear?

Seems like, I miss the person that I thought you were.

-=iNa=-

The Break Up

It's been months since I last let my feelings out.
Guess I have to do it before it gets a hold on me instead of the other way around.
Not in the best of moods these few weeks.
Been thinking, a lot.
So much that I think I might just lose it anytime.

Why does it have to be this way?
Why does simple things seems to hard?
Is a simple thank you and a hug so hard to get?

This I have to quote from a friend's friend.

To you distance makes the heart grows fonder, but to me, it makes the heart astray.

To each their own.
You might find the quote right, you might find it wrong.
Whatever you think, it is to your own judgment.

Watched 'The Break Up' lately on TV?
You go girl, to Brooke.
Remember when they, Brooke and Gary, were having this conversation?

I just don't know how we got here.
Our entire relationship, I have gone above and beyond for you, for us.
I've cooked, I've picked your shit up off the floor, I've laid your clothes out for you like you're a four year old.
I support you, I supported your work.
If we ever had dinner or anything I did the plans, I take care of everything.
And I just don't feel like you appreciate any of it.
I don't feel you appreciate me.
All I want is to know, is for you to show me that you care.

Why didn't you just say that to me?

I tried.
I've tried.

Never like that, you might have said some things that meant to imply that, but I'm not a mind reader...

It wouldn't matter you are who you are.
Just leave me alone ok?
Right now, just shut my door.

Listen...

Alright Gary just please, just leave the room.
Gary just...
I don't want to be near you right now, please just shut the door, please.

The disappointment.
I get what she feels.
Do you?

You can argue that guys have to be told what we expect them to do, I agree too.
But do you ever thought of those people LIKE ME who have a problem expressing themselves and saying things that are so direct?

Go watch it.

-=iNa=-